I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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