Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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