I wish i was in the wii world.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize