i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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