She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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