I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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