I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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