apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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