i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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