walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize