Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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