i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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