my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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