Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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