Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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