so that wasnt chicken after all
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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