I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize