i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize