you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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