we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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