I wish my penis had an off switch
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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