can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize