You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
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Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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