I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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