i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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