After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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