"it" just moved
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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