Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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