Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize