I smell stomach acid.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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