that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
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you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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