Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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