This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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