whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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