I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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