I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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