Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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