so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
