i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
