I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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