I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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