I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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