When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize