he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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