swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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