it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize