he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize