I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize