Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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