I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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