the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
my poor anus
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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